SALES – A CHRISTMAS TALE

I am in deep thought as I’m preparing my monthly blog about the value of sales:

We are faced with a decision. Do we pay a sales guy $100,000 per year if he generates new profits for the company of $25,000 that same year?  Of course that’s an easy question. The answer is a definitive maybe.

It has been elusive and imprecise to anyone who attempts to put a value on sales personnel or a sales team. Because of this, evaluating the worth of sales to critical thinkers is an unsolved mystery. Critical thinkers aren’t comfortable with phrases like “What if”, “Generally speaking”, and “There is the Possibility”. 

Critical thinkers want hard analysis. Give me a number. Give me a hard and cold number that is not subject to interpretation that shows how much of the money my business made because of my salesperson. What would be the state of my business today if my sales had never been part of my organization? Whom would I not have met?  Which clients would not be in my company and how much money did I lose with the salary, benefits, training, paid time off, which I’ve so generously given to my sales persons?

My thoughts were abruptly interrupted. 

Gary!  Gary!  Where are you?

What? What? Oh sorry.  I was daydreaming. What’s wrong Angie?

Well stop daydreaming and pay attention. I broke out the sales expenses from the financials, like you asked. You are not going to like the number! I’m putting them on your desk, but honestly, you might want to go back to daydreaming because when you see how much we spent on sales personnel last year, your daydream ends and your nightmare begins.

As I picked the paper up off the desk, Angie fled from my office as if some fire alarm had sounded and she was evacuating the building. I saw the bottom line number and I was initially shocked at how big it was and then I realized that Angie must have forgotten to put a decimal point in the numbers. I pick up the intercom and called her office.

Angie!?!?..., I asked inquisitively.  When I told you to leave off the decimal point, I also expected you to take away the pennies. What were you thinking when you prepared this?

I did leave off the pennies.  Do I look that stupid to you Gary?

I don’t understand. This number is 7 digits long.

The sound of dead air is on the phone as I’m waiting for Angie’s explanation. After the uncomfortable pause, Angie mutters her response,

And?

And? I think to myself,  What kind of response is that?

As it sunk into my brain that it couldn’t be 5 digits, and Angie was too precise to make such a mistake, I began realizing the size of our investment into sales was far greater than I had imagined.  What do we get for this investment?  

It dawned on me all at once. She was right! My daydreaming had been interrupted by a nightmare! I’ve destroyed the company profits. I’ve destroyed the entire company! What have I done? If only the company would have never had sales people, we might be as big as Fed Ex today! How many millions have we wasted over the years? How do I make up for it? Oh my God. What have I done?

I thought about the value in my life insurance policy. Okay, I know it's not enough to reimburse the company for the terrible expenses I’d inflicted on them, but it was something. I thought I could give them back something at least!

Feeling despondent and desperate, I wildly drove to down to the Chicago River. In all my darkness, it felt oddly strange to see the signs of Christmas. As I stared into the gleam of the Christmas lights amidst the snow falling heavily onto the city streets. Screw Christmas!, I thought to myself. I’ve destroyed everything! I run outside to the bridge’s walkway for pedestrians, not exactly sure what I'm going to do.

What have I done?  What have I done! If I could just change things so that we never had a sales team. If only our company hadn’t wasted millions on sales people!  What have I done? Please God. Make it all okay.  Please. Make it all okay.

Looking into the cold icy waters of the Chicago River, I contemplated climbing up the railing when a homeless person appeared from under the bridge at the water’s edge. He'd come out from a group of homeless people among cardboard boxes, blankets & pillows. 

Gary, Gary, my good friend. He says, speaking in a consoling voice.

Don’t despair. You mustn’t think like this. That Sales Team you mock so easily is not your nightmare. They are the angels of your company. Be careful what you ask for. Angie wasn't right Gary. Your nightmare didn’t begin with your sales team.  In fact, it is because of your sales team that your nightmare never started.

A bit stunned by this intrusion, I looked at him incredulously

Wait!  Who the hell are you?  How do you know my name?  Why don’t you mind your own business anyway! I’m confused. What is this? Am I having a Crisis moment or a Christmas moment?  What do you want from me anyway?

I’m Clarence, the Guardian Angel of Sales people. And to answer your question Gary, you are indeed having a Christmas moment. And your company has been having a Christmas moment every year of its existence because of your sales people. Just a short while ago, you asked the question. What would be the state of my business today if sales had never been part of my organization? You “Critical Thinkers” are all alike. It’s so annoying to all of us who do the hard work while you spend your time “Thinking” and being “Critical”!  You think you would do so well without a Sales Team? Well now you have it Gary. Your wish has been granted. Your organization never had a Sales Team.

With that, Clarence begins to walks away, not going back to his cardboard box and blankets but rather just walking into the snowy night. As he disappears into the city lights, I scream out to him, knowing I’m being ignored.

HEY!   HEY!  

After a pause, it’s clear he isn’t listening. I’m not about to waste my time trying to continue the dialogue with him. In disgust I just yell at him.

Awe go!  Get out of here! 

Then speaking at him, but really to myself,

I have enough problems without some quaky homeless person lecturing me on how to run my company.

The interruption was enough though to break my spell and begin facing the horrible reality of my bad decisions. I quickly decided it was time to go back and face the music. As I walk off the bridge and head for the car, I see it isn't where I'd left it. What happened?  Did it get towed? It's gone.  I begin looking all over in panic. I know where I left it. I try and calm myself but to no avail… panic sets in.

Oh my God.  Where is my car?  My car has been stolen?  Oh my God.  I have to call the         police.

As I reach into my pocket to get my cell phone, it isn’t there. it’s missing! I check in the snow on the Bridge where I'd been standing moments earlier. It's not there.  I slap my back pockets, then my coat pockets, then in total desperation, my shirt pocket. It’s gone! I begin speaking to myself.

My cell phone is gone!  That bum picked my pocket! He stole my car!  He took advantage of me. He played on my grief! That low life piece of dirt! Oh God, why are you doing this to me! WHY? WHY? 

Now I’m furious with anger, despondent, sad, and confused all in one emotion. Then suddenly, while looking to the other end of the bridge, I spot my car. That bastard Clarence was sitting in the driver’s seat looking at me with a silly looking smug smirk on his stupid face.  I'm gonna kill him. I start running over to the car already envisioning ripping him out of my car seat and throwing him back onto the street from whence he came. He needs a good ass kicking! I scream out while I'm in full sprint, crossing the bridge as fast as my legs will move.

There you are you son of a bitch. I’m gonna rip your freaking face off!  Where is my cell phone! Don’t move! Don't you move! That’s my car!

As I’m midway across the bridge, Clarence calmly gets out of my seat, leaving the car door open for me and walks around the other side of the car and seemingly with magic, just disappears into the snow.

Huffing and puffing from running, I reach my car and get into my seat. I quickly survey for Clarence.

Where’d he go? Arrrggghhh! 

I don’t see him anywhere. Despite my impulse to get out of the car and find the bastard, and my phone, I quickly enter the car and lock the doors so I can secure myself inside.  I just want to get back to the office now and face the music. I need to fire all the sales people in the company and hopefully together, we can make the company great again.  #MCGA

I open my GPS Navigation to hit “Office” as my destination to find my way out of the City.  It was gone!  My destination “Office” was missing from my GPS.  In its place was the word “Heaven”.  That’s spooky. How odd and weird is that? What in the hell is going on!

Don’t freak out Gary, I thought to myself. Of course I know my way back, I was just looking for the shortest route, but whatever. Let me just get to the office. So I drive.

As I approach the office, I’m shocked.  All of our company signs are no longer on the building. They are all missing. I gasp audibly.

What in the hell?  Now the building has been vandalized?  Is there anything else that can go wrong today?

With my frustration at its height, suddenly Clarence’s Voice emanates from the car’s GPS Navigation: 

The building hasn’t been vandalized Gary.  Your company doesn’t have an office in Chicago.  You never opened the office because your predecessor, Hans Peter Widmer, never did sales and consequently, the office failed in its third year of existence.

Reeling from being confronted with this Nightmare before Christmas, which has just become my own reality, I lose it.

Nooooooooo!  Noooooooo!  What’s happening!

And Clarence responds by continuing.

And by the way Gary. I didn’t steal your car.  It’s actually my car you are driving. I’m loaning you my car for the duration of this Christmas awakening.  You never got a company car because your company closed its doors almost 40 years ago because sales from existing customers were just not enough.

I'm driving his car!? I'm living in a moment of delusion or nightmare. I'm not sure which, but he continues on.  

You don’t have a home in Chicago Gary. And all those people that worked for your company, you don’t know them. And they don’t know each other, and many of them don’t live in Chicago either.

In all of your “critical thinking”, you were unable to calculate the inextricable links created by the networking of people which make business’ flourish. The customers who introduced your company to other customers weren't there. The companies that had decision makers that felt a personal connection with your sales personnel which caused them to speak about your company in high regard were never introduced to your company. Many times an employee of one of your customers never was able to share their experience about your company when they went to a new job and so they were not there to convince their new employer to consider using your company.

So there you have it Gary.  You have been given the Christmas miracle of actually being able to have a hard analysis of where your company would be if you did not have sales.  Here is your answer, in terms that your “critical thinking” can evaluate:  Your company wouldn’t be a company today had it not been for your sales team.

I’d had enough! I couldn’t listen to another word!

Go away Clarence!  Go away!  Please!  I want my sales team…..  I want my sales teammmm!!!!

I began to sob uncontrollably in despair…   I put my head down on the steering wheel and began banging the dash board with my pain emanating from my body as I took it out hammering Clarence’s car. Then I was shaken out of it by a banging on the driver’s side window. In rapid succession… Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang… It was Angie. 

Gary!  Gary! As she recognizes I’m becoming aware of her presence, she continues.

Where have you been?  I’ve been trying to call you but you left your cell phone in the office. I’ve been trying to find you to sign for the new signs on the building which are sporting our new logo. They look great! They took down all the old ones but they need your approval before we can get the new ones up.

Jez Gary!  Are you okay?

Unaware what is reality and what is fantasy, I blurt out,

Angie???  Angie???  Is that you!  Oh My God. Angie!!!  ...  Who am I Angie?!?!?

What? You're my boss. What’s going on Gary? I’m worried about you. You asked me for the cost of our sales team, and before I could get you the numbers of clients that came from our sales team you ran off.

YES!  YES! I’m okay! No. I'm great! Forget the numbers Angie. Who cares! We need to make sure that we do more to support our sales team.  We need to give them more tools. We’ve got to do more for them! Thank you God!  Thank you!

Angie stares at me in bewilderment. She just stands there with no movement at first, then she walks off back to the office, shaking her head as if she is wondering if it’s really me.

I move the car into my parking space and I see my GPS Navigation screen. The radio button labeled “Office” was back in its place.  It was all a dream.  It was all a great Christmas miracle dream. 

I shut off the car and the console lights went out. I sat there for a moment in the quiet silence. I was so relieved and thinking that I probably should go see a doctor about my strange dreams. 

Then suddenly the GPS Screen lit up. In the video screen where a map had been before, appeared what looked to be a live streaming video of the beautiful Chicago River from the bridge where I’d met Clarence earlier.  As I watched I noticed Clarence walk under the bridge and into the frame on the screen towards the boxes and blankets where he had come from.

Only something was different.  He wasn’t a homeless man living there. I realize that he hadn’t been living under the blankets and in a box. He was doing what sales people do. He was giving out blankets and food, and not getting the credit for all that he was doing.

Tears came to my eyes. He was suddenly my hero. I watched him work as he opened a thermos and poured coffee to help someone who was wrapped in a new Christmas blanket. He then briefly paused what he was doing and turned around so I was able to see his face. It was truly the face of an Angel.

His eyes connected with mine and it was clear to me that he knew somehow I was watching and could see him. Looking directly towards the screen and clearly with intent towards me he said:

From all of us Sales Angels out there, you have a Very Merry Christmas Gary.

With that he turned back to his work and continued his work of making this Christmas just a little bit better for the less fortunate.

               You too Clarence.  You too.  I softly spoke quietly to myself while I wiped away my tears from my cheek.

I had become a believer in Christmas Angels. 

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This is my third monthly blog post. Each month I try and write about a subject concerning Business Management and I try and present some key points with a lighter side to make my point. I hope you enjoy it and will come to my blog site to read more of my stories. Please feel free to comment. It inspires me to do more.

Gary Warnecke

About the author:   Gary Warnecke is currently CEO of American Lamprecht Transport, an international logistics company serving companies moving goods to and from the United States. Gary has also been CFO for Rusoro Mining, a Canadian Public gold mining company with operations in Venezuela, and GRIF Management, an Oil & Gas engineering firm providing engineering services to Russia and Eastern European countries. He is the founder and President of Orlando Film Studios and Gary Warnecke CPA PC. Orlando Film Studios successfully distributed and booked the first wide distribution of a Spanish language film to the Orlando market, placing the film in 18 theaters. His CPA firm had, at its peak, 14 employees and provided tax and accounting services to private international companies and has consulted and participated in the field of mergers and acquisitions. In addition, Gary has served the board of directors of several companies. His diverse background has given him extensive experience in the field of Business Management which he began blogging about in September 2016.